While mental illness is a risk factor for suicidal behaviour and many suicide victims receive mental health care prior to death, there is a comparative lack of research that explores their narratives of care. Suicide notes offer unique insight into these subjective experiences. Our study explores the following questions: “How is mental health care experienced by those who die by suicide?” and “What role does this experience play in an individual's journey to suicide?” Our sample is a set of 21 purposefully selected notes that explicitly make mention of mental illness and/or mental health care, from a larger sample of 255 notes obtained through the Toronto Coroner's Office. We utilized a constructivist grounded theory framework to engage in line-by-line open coding, axial coding, memo-ing and theorizing of the data. Preliminary themes include (1) perception of recurrent utilization of mental health care as personal failure, (2) recurrent utilization of mental health care as a manifestation of accumulating hopelessness, (3) the construction of suicide as being beyond the scope of mental health care, (4) tensions between the conceptualization of mental illness as an inherent part of the self and mental illness as a disease to be fought or overcome, and (5) suicide as an exertion of self-autonomy, distinct from the influence of mental illness. An exploration of the complexity of an individual's relationship with mental illness and mental health care can foster better identification, understanding and support for those at risk for suicide.