Elsevier

Midwifery

Volume 27, Issue 5, October 2011, Pages e163-e169
Midwifery

Parenting paradox: Parenting after infant loss

https://doi.org/10.1016/j.midw.2010.02.004Get rights and content

Abstract

Objective

to gain an in-depth understanding of the parenting experiences of bereaved parents in the years following an infant death.

Design

an exploratory qualitative study.

Setting

semi-structured interview in the participants’ homes. Data were collected over a five-month period in 2008 and analysed using thematic analysis.

Participants

a purposive sample of 13 bereaved parents (10 mothers and three fathers) was used. Parents who had accessed the support services offered by two bereavement support agencies were recruited. Participants were asked to describe their experiences of raising their subsequent child. Interviews were conducted when the next born child was at least three years of age.

Findings

the parents described a ‘paradoxical’ parenting style where they were trying to parent using two diametrically opposed unsustainable options. For example, they described trying to hold their subsequent child emotionally close but aloof at the same time.

Key conclusions and implications for practice

the results from this study indicate that the impact of a loss of an infant has far-reaching consequences on subsequent parenting. Support and early intervention at the time of the stillbirth and subsequent pregnancy are likely to be useful. However, further research is required to determine the extent to which early intervention can alter the tendency towards bereaved parents adopting a paradoxical parenting style. The impact of this style on mental health and the emotional health and well-being of the next born child/ren after perinatal loss should also be further examined.

Introduction

It is commonly reported that bereaved parents, in the pregnancy after the death of an infant, may delay emotional attachment to their coming baby for fear of another loss (Lewis, 1979; Armstrong and Hutti, 1998; Cote–Arsenault and Marshall, 2000; Lamb, 2002; O’Leary, 2004). Literature in this area also discusses the subsequent child in terms of being a ‘replacement’ (Cain and Cain, 1964; Anisfeld and Richards, 2000), ‘vulnerable’ (Green and Solnit, 1964; Sabbadini, 1988; Grout and Romanoff, 2000) and ‘penumbra’ (shadow) (Reid, 2003; Kempson et al., 2008), who may be subject to increased risk of psychopathology (Anisfeld and Richards, 2000) including attachment disorders (Sabbadini, 1988; Powell, 1995; Reid, 2007; O’Leary and Thorwick, 2008).

Furthermore, literature acknowledges that parents may be anxious when pregnant again (Armstrong and Hutti, 1998; Robertson and Kavanaugh, 1998; Warland, 2000) and in the postpartum period (Warland, 2000; O’Leary et al., 2006). This apprehension can extend into parenting subsequent infants (Theut et al., 1992; Lamb, 2002). This anxiety may have far-reaching consequences for both the bereaved parent and/or the subsequent child (Cote–Arsenault and Marshall, 2000), especially if parents become overprotective (Parker, 1983). Whilst there is considerable literature concerning parents’ experiences of loss of an infant at or around birth as well as during the subsequent pregnancy, the literature is almost silent on parents’ experiences of parenting after loss or the longer-term effect that the loss may have on parenting style. Such literature as exists on this topic is reviewed here.

Section snippets

Parental overprotection and anxiety

It is normal for all adults to protect their young from danger; however, bereaved parents have been described as more likely to be extra vigilant, with a rapid response to any sign of trouble or danger (Rosenblatt, 2000). Overprotection, defined as ‘behaviours beyond what most parents would do in similar circumstances’ (Thomasgard and Metz, 1993, p. 67), is also something to which bereaved parents can be more prone. For example, Pantke and Slade (2006) asked adolescents to recall their parents’

Subjects and methods

A qualitative approach was chosen as the most appropriate method of exploring families’ experiences of raising their subsequent child (Flick, 2009). Semi-structured interviews were used to enable the conversations to be purposively steered in the direction of the topic (Flick, 2009, p. 185).

Community organisations that offer support to the target population such as SANDS (Stillbirth And Neonatal Death Support) and ‘SIDS & Kids’ (Sudden Infant Death Support) were approached and agreed to

Sample

Thirteen bereaved parents (10 female and three male) participated in 11 interviews. There were eight mothers alone, two couples together and one father alone. Although only three fathers are included in this sample, it was felt important not to discount their comments, especially as there is a lack of research on fathering and we wanted to describe experiences of parents.

The participants were bereaved through stillbirth, neonatal death, SIDS or sudden death in infancy. They were all recruited

Discussion

The results of this study both confirm and support previous research findings, and suggest several new paths for future exploration.

The only other published study which has examined parenting after perinatal loss reported mothers needing constant reassurance regarding the physical health of their subsequent child, and fearing failure to notice a medical problem might mean the child would die (Theut et al., 1992, p. 164). Our findings suggest that these fears and anxieties not only occur when

Conclusions

The results from this study indicate that loss of an infant has far-reaching consequences on subsequent parenting. This research shows that bereaved parents can adopt a paradoxical parenting style when parenting after a perinatal or early infant loss. There is a need for research into the effect of this on not only the emotional development of the subsequent child, but also other children already in the family, and the mental health status of the bereaved parents. Further research is required

Conflict of interest statement

All authors declare no conflict of interest.

Funding

This research received no specific grant from any funding agency in the public, commercial or not-for-profit sectors.

Acknowledgement

We thank the study participants.

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